People accuse me of being tasteless. I say to them, "Look, I'm sorry about keeping the muzzle on the handicapped Cocker Spaniel but that damn thing is going to bite me when I force the dyslexic monkey to ride it." But do you know what's really tasteless? These games...

6.) Platoon

Platform: Nintendo Entertainment System. Publisher: Sunsoft.

Based on the film, Platoon was the first game I can ever remember finding offensive. My Uncle Joey was in Vietnam and he would constantly tell me about how I shouldn't complain about having to do homework, because in Vietnam not only did Charlie make you do homework, but he made you show all your work too.

I sometimes questioned whether or not Joey had been to Vietnam.

Turns out Uncle Joey had been to Vietnam, just not the country Vietnam. He frequented a restaurant named Vietnam and his father, Charlie, who owned it, would make him do homework there after school so he could check it for mistakes.

As for the Vietnam war itself, I've seenThe Deer Hunter two times. And it doesn't seem like something I'd want to play, like the Super Bowl, puppy slingshot contests, or that Mariah-Carey-making-out-with-Kelly-Clarkson 2-D shooter that I'm currently developing with Legos. But I must be in the minority, since there's like a million games based on the Vietnam war now.

5.) Practically Every Rom Hack

As the song goes, "Children are our future, treat them right and let them lead the way." If this is true, children will lead us to racist nudist colonies.

Platform: Emulator. Publisher: Probably Jeff, that kid who works at Wedny's who sneezes in your fries.

If rom hacks are a mirror that reflects society's subconscious, then our subconscious is overwhelmingly obsessed with male genitalia and black face. Give a child the ability to redesign a video game, and that child will give you Super Nazi Bros. or Naked Mario or Super Naked Nazi Bros.

For example, here's Super KKK Bros. 2, in which Mario, Lugi, and Toad (the Princess, inexplicably, keeps her prom dress on, a first from what I've heard) don the sheets to maneuver through a barrage of enemies draped in black face. It was obvious that these hacks are made by adolescents who not only have no concept of history and prejudice, but have no concept of how prejudice, even in its most convincingly ineffective state, can still be hurtful.

Anyone who has lived through the Civil Rights Movement, Martin Luther King Jr. assassination, and the election of the first African American president of the United States of America could not hold these stereotypes as true, right?

Well, I thought so until I heard a boss of mine talk about her vegetable garden and how she "didn't think it was the blacks this time" and that "it turns out it was actually a white person" who was "stealing her tomatoes" because "blacks don't like gardening and that stuff."

According to her argument, the African Americans in her apartment would be more likely to steal her tomatoes since they don't enjoy gardening, but that's besides the point. The point is that it's funny how many people you think are perfectly well-adjusted individuals until one day that surprise the fuck out of you by telling you that "the blacks don't enjoy gardening."

You may be wondering what this has to do with anything let alone a game where Mario joins the Klu Klux Klan. And the answer would be none.

4.) Muslim Massacre: The Game of Modern Religious Genocide

Platform: Microsoft Windows. Publisher/Developer: Eric 'Sigvatr' Vaughn.

A title like Muslim Massacre doesn't leave much room for surprise. It's not like you don't know what you're getting yourself into with Muslim Massacre. It's Muslim Massacre.

An American solider is dropped in the Middle East where players unleash a torrent of gunfire in a Bezerk-style, annihilating anything and everything Muslim. Again, it's Muslim Massacre.

The bosses are Osama bin Laden, Mohammed, and Allah.

In conclusion, it's Muslim Massacre.

3.) V-Tech Rampage

Platform: Adobe Flash Player. Publisher/Developer: Ryan Lambourn.

The sub-genre of video games known as the school-shooting simulator has attained a certain level of infamy over the past few years. Super Columbine Massacre RPG! led the pack in 2005, and the notoriety it achieved prompted other artists to develop similar games, including V-Tech Rampage. There are differences between Super Columbine RPG! and V-Tech Rampage, however. Super Columbine RPG! places the player into the mind of the murderer in an attempt to provide reason to the unreasonable through immersion. V-Tech Rampage, on the other hand, lets you shoot people.

V-Tech Rampage is divided up into three levels based on the shooting perpetrated by Seung-Hui Cho at Virginia Tech. His first task? Kill people and return to your dorm. Second level? Navigate through the police-infested school to send your tape to NBC. Third level? Kill more people.

When the game was met with controversy, its creator, Ryan Lambourn, offered this on his Web site:

"Attention angry people: I will take this game down from newgrounds if the donation amount reaches $1000 US. I'll take it down from [his website] if it reaches $2000 US, and i will apologise if it reaches $3000 US."

Maybe for $4000 he would have used spell check. Remember, it's not just morally reprehensible to the memories of the deceased, it's racist too: "Imma get mah nails done," says the female African American student.

If you'd like to play V-Tech Rampage, click here.

2.) Ethnic Cleansing

Platform: Microsoft Windows. Publisher/Developer: Resistance Records.

Ethnic Cleansing is incompetent racism. What is incompetent racism? It's racism performed so incompetently that it's questionable whether or not it's still racism. Let me explain.

Ethnic Cleansing 's concept is a first-person shooter where minorities have replaced enemies. Nonetheless, the mangled graphics are so incomprehensible that you could theoretically be shooting at anything. This was fine on an Atari 2600 game where one red block floating around could be a spaceship and the other blue block could be a asteroid, but if the intent was to recruit impressionable, not-yet discriminating children with the game, the developers were in for a surprise. You have to be incredible racist prior to playing the game, because if you're not, you'll have no idea what this crap is supposed to be, and chances are that firing at unrecognizable crap won't doesn't make you racist.

It's not like shooting a gun is THAT much fun. I doubt a first-person-shooter arguing for the castration of my penis would convince to me to machete my junk off.

It's like this. If it was 1980 and Ethnic Cleansing was an Atari 2600 game, the developers would have made the player be a blue square. Now, offensive logic argues that the enemies would be black, but since the developers probably would have made the background black, they would have had to make the opponents a color like green. This leads to Ethnic Cleansing converting children to the skinhead movement through the shooting of green squares by blue squares.

While it's intended to be racist, I don't know if it actually is. That's incompetent racism.

1.) Custer's Revenge

Platform: Atari 2600 Publisher/Developer: Mystique.

Custer's Revenge has been talked about on every game list documenting offensive video games, so I'll spare you the details. You rape a Native American woman for points.

My original first-place winner was to be a Pac-Man clone with a Nazi theme entitled 5A-Mann. It, however, seems to be erased from the Internet. It probably sucks anyway, though. Which leads to this conclusion: if something sucks but it has rape or nazis, we'll talk about it for decades. It doesn't matter how much it blows. So if you can't be good, just be stupid.

— The Son of a Bit,
Jonathan Plombon

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