#6 You can play a real guitar
In real life: After three years of daily practice you and your friends are competent enough able to play a gig at someone's kegger. You even get attention from attractive girls despite looking more orcish than human.
In a game: After three years of daily practice you finally got 100% completion on every song in the Guitar Hero series.
Playing Guitar Hero and Rock Band can be a lot of fun. Rocking out (with your cock in or out) is made simple by a plastic guitar and some colored buttons. Learning the real guitar can be hard and mind numbing at times, especially when you have to play Twinkle Twinkle Little Star five hundred times.
But when you're playing the real instrument you might gain real fans and groupies who will find you attractive no matter what you actually look like.
No matter WHAT!
If you're a hardcore Guitar Hero fan, then you're playing the game on Expert, spending hours perfecting their speed and timing and working at getting the perfect score on every song. That turns an awesome and fun game into a technically precise, finger numbing experience that eats up weeks instead of hours.
This can end with you smashing your guitar controller into a thousand pieces; not because you're rocking out but because you missed 100% for the fifth time by missing just two notes out of a thousand.
And the fans? They still think you're hot but they'd just like to stay friends.
#5 You can open a door
In real life: You walk up to a door, turn the handle, open it, and walk through the entrance.
In a game: You destroy heavily armored tanks with ease. You slice into a dragon that has skin so thick it repels anything but a giant, magical blade. You even blow up an entire planet by throwing a grenade or two into a fusion reactor.
But even with a weapons stockpile that rivals a small country you cannot open a half-inch thick wooden door. And forget about kicking the door down or shooting a giant hole in the door, that door is never going to open. Why?
The door isn't real.
The door is just a decoration. There's only a few "real" doors and they are leading you in a linear way to the end of the game.
And while the ability to open a door might not seem like something glamorous then think about how it would feel like if the only door that opened in your house was the one to your parent's bedroom.
#4 You never have to upgrade your graphics processor
In a game: You've just gotten GTA IV for the PC because you couldn't afford to get an Xbox 360. You install the massive game and then find out that the game can't be run because you need to upgrade to a $400 video card to play the game.
In real life: Your visuals are always at maximum. The colors around you are surprisingly life like. And unless you're hung over there's no lag between you moving your arm and you seeing your arm moving. When you go to a store everyone there is fully rendered and no one has a face shaped like a polygon. Even if you need glasses you won't have to update them every 6 months in order to enjoy real life.
#3 You can have a real conversation
In real life: Someone asks you a question, you think about what you will say in return and then say it. If the action is repeated several more times then you're having a conversation. If it's not repeated you were probably talking to your parents.
In a game: Someone asks you a question, you think about what you will say and it doesn't matter, because you have to pick one of three pre-determined responses.
The ability to communicate like a normal human being can be taken for granted. Even the average conversation between people IM'ing is filled with lols, omgs and wtfs that any semblance of the English language has been taken out and shot in the head.
And it was just one day away from retirement.
But at least you're given a choice on whether you should say lol, rofl, lmao or you know, actually laugh.
If you walked into class and your teacher said "You're late, what's you excuse?" you wouldn't expect them to write out three possible answers on the board for you.
A) I slept in, because I had sex with your mom
B) The bus was late, because the bus driver was having sex with your mom
C) You should know why I'm late, I was having sex with you.
Instead they would wait for you to mumble out a semi-plausible non-mother-fucking story. And if you're a good storyteller (i.e. Liar) you can even avoid any major punishments.
In the game you'd just get stuck going through each choice and repeating the chats over and over until you pick the right series of sentences.
#2 You can make real money from mindless work
In real life: You flip burgers 5 to 8 hours a day, 5 to 7 days a week. Halfway through each shift your brain completely shuts down and you become an unfeeling robot while your body repeats a set of moves burned into the muscles. But every 2-4 weeks you get a paycheck that makes the tedium worth it.
Don't forget the 50% employee discount.
If you worked for 40 hours a week and found out you weren't going to be paid you'd likely feel like sticking your manager's balls in the deep fryer.
In a game: You grind away in MMORPGs like World of Warcraft, Lineage II or Guild Wars, spending hours doing the same quest or raid over and over again. You earn virtual money that (legally) is worthless in the real world. But at least you're having fun, right?
Grinding is a job so tedious yet worthless that sweatshops have been set up with "gold farmers" in China that are paid 25 cents an hour to do it. So, outside of the video game, the work is considered a form of slavery. But when you pay money each month to do it, it's entertainment.
Meanwhile if you'd spent that time grinding away at a meat-like substance and serving it to game writers you'd have enough money for a used car. Then you could get back home 20 minutes faster than the bus and earn an extra 10 gold a night.
#1 You can get laid
Sometimes you need more than just shields for protection.
In a game: You can be a stud or a babe. But when you get lucky the screen goes dark, you hear a couple grunts and giggles and then it's over.
In real life: When you get lucky the lights in your room go off, you make a couple grunts and hear a couple giggles and then it's over. Except that you weren't just watching, you were a semi-active participant.
No matter how good a game's graphics and sounds become, it will never be able to simulate(or stimulate) the fact that there's a real girl(or guy) in the world that's willing to sleep with you. And a game certainly cannot emulate the primal urges that flow through your body as you are with another person, your hearts beating furiously, the sweat, the smell of her body as you embrace one another. The gentle caressing of your scrotum by delicate hands.
Excuse us a moment.
And if you haven't yet experience sex, possibly because you're only 12, that really shouldn't discourage you. The majority of people in the world who are not monks will have sex, eventually. Hell, for less than the price of a wireless Rock Band guitar controller you can get a back alley blow job. Or so we've heard.
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