Death is inevitable, especially in video games. Chances are that in one hour of gaming you'll die and rise again more times than Buffy the Vampire Slayer. And while the average time you get blasted away into little specks of blood and bone doesn't phase you, there are some game deaths that are truly painful to watch and experience.
6.) Visually Painful : Sub-zero spine rip
For those of our readers who may not have even been alive in 1992, let alone gaming at that time here’s a short synopsis. We had arcades, sure we had the NES and the SNES and other consoles, but the arcades were where the real action was.
And yes, there are still arcades around today but not in the sheer numbers or power that the old school boxes had on a boy’s imagination or wallet.
The game was Mortal Kombat and for many a teen or pre-teen boy this game was forbidden by parents, making it all the more desirable. Back then the graphics of MK were the shit, whereas in comparison today, the graphics are just shit.
But graphics aside, many a child would wet themselves when they saw their beloved fighter get their spine ripped out of their body courtesy of Sub-Zero, a name that out of context conveys about as much fear as “Wind Chill Factor.” Each time our spine was ripped from the torso a little bit of our manhood (which at 13 years old wasn’t much to begin with) went with it.
And seconds after seeing the virtual body slump to the ground we would pump in another coin just to see the same thing happen again, thus paying for our own execution.
Runner Up: Bioshock. A Big Daddy performing surgery on your torso with his giant drill bit.
5.) Time Stands Still Painful : Sticky Bombs
To me, there is nothing greater than dodging an enemy’s attack and then blasting them back to the Atari age. Throw in a little trash talk and you might just have had the perfect moment of the day.
But then there are the times where you see your death coming and you know you’re going to die. You can’t dodge because you’ve just been hit by a sticky bomb/plasma grenade. Those 3 seconds while waiting for death can seem like an eternity. And there’s not much you can do in that situation, if you run to allies then they blow up with you. Your choices are limited to staying there and waiting for the bomb to go off while you see someone run passed you, laughing , or you can quote Shakespeare in Klingon.
- Hamlet Act 2 Scene 3
Runner up: Getting trapped in a room/corner with a guarded exit.
4.) Embarrassingly Painful: Nading Yourself
You’ve crept into the enemy base, snuck past the inner guard and now the only thing stopping you from retrieving the alpha component is two little Artificial Idiots(AI) guarding it. A gun won’t do here, that would be a rookie move. No, you want to send a message, so you pick out a frag grenade and aim for just behind the AI. You throw it and smile.
*Clink*
Wait, that sounded too close. You look down in time to say "Ah sh..BOOM." Player Dumbass has committed suicide.
Congratulations you just naded yourself, if you were playing Kevorkian Countdown you would have come in first place. It stings far more when you are the object of your own destruction. Even moreso when a multiplayer game adds a time penalty for it. And sure, you claim that the wall just jumped out at you, but deep inside you know it’s all your mouse’s fault.
Runner Up: Rocket Face; when you shoot a rocket/missile too close to the ground and end up blowing yourself up.
3.) Painful For Them: Death By Fedora
With all the pain we receive let’s take a moment to remember that we can dish it out as much as we can take it.
Bioshock gives you some awesome Jedi-like plasmid skills that can make the enemy splicers have their own embarrassing deaths. Next time you play and see a splicer wearing a hat, use the telekinesis skill and take their hat away, throw it at them, take it back and repeat. You’ve just killed a man with his own hat, that should make up for Big Daddy drilling your innards so many times.
Runner up: Killing AI in God-mode.
2.) Frustratingly Painful: I've Fallen And I Can't Get Up
Whoops
Death by falling is both annoying and embarrassing. Consider the fact that the character you’re playing is usually an ultra elite combat expert. Your guy(or girl) can run fast, carry twenty different weapons at the same time and can single handedly take down 200 foes in 20 minutes. But when it comes to jumping between two cliffs that are a few feet apart, your guy all of a sudden comes down with a case of dumbfuck fever. Leap too early and you miss the cliff by an inch, leap too late and you either fall in front of the platform or over jump and fall passed it.
And for some reason, during those misses your character seems to forget that they have two beefy arms that could easily grasp the side of the platform even if you missed it by a whole foot. But no, it’s a little known gaming feature that when you jump, those arms disappear or at best turn into little T-rex hands that are about as useful as a heal spell 10 minutes after you died.
Runner up: Getting pushed off a ledge by an allied unit running past you.
1.) @#$%^&-ing Painful: Spawn Killed
Multiplayer gaming can be extremely fun and extremely addicting. You can play the same set of 10 maps for months or longer because each new player can be a unique challenge.
But just like in single player, you are going to die, but hey it’s fine because you’ll respawn in 3 to 20 seconds.
You: Hey guys, I’m in their base, about to get fla….
You have been killed by player Slartifartfast 3…2…1…
You: Damn nader noob, it’s ok I’ll be bac…
You have been killed by player Tickle_my_testicles 3…2…1…
You: Guys there’s someone in the bas..
You have been killed by player Tickle_my_testicles 3…2…1…
You: Man this is not co..
You have been killed by player Tickle_my_testicles 3…2…1…
You: Son of a..
You have been killed by player Tickle_my_testicles 3…2…1…
For those of you who didn’t just cringe by seeing that dialogue then you are one of the few that has not yet experienced the evilness of the spawn kill. This is both visually and emotionally painful to experience.
First off, for however long it lasts the constant deaths are like being locked out of the gaming experience. Then there is the worse fact that as cheap and annoying as the other player is being, he’s being pretty damn effective and likely helping his team capture a strategic point while you consider turning your keyboard into a new ceiling decoration.
Runner Up: Death by spawn killing has no equal.
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yeah.. spawn killing really pisses me off.. unless i'm the one doing it : )
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