Don't get us wrong; we know that an important step in the creation of any new subculture is crafting an impenetrable cloak of slang and in-jokes to flummox outsiders.  Online gamers have done a pretty good job of this, if we consider the number of pissed-off old people and frustrated girlfriends to be a reliable measurement of success.  All that being said, here are a few words and acronyms we hope never darken our chat boxes again.

(Oh, and some pictures of babies.  They don't have anything to do with the article, we promise.  Pinky-swear!)

#6. Nerf

What It Means

It's a reference to Nerf brand toys, which are basically soft, colorful versions of awesome things like guns and shit.  If you're hearing this, it means that the heartless, idiotic developers have taken it into their heads that somebody's favorite class, spell, or weapon is too powerful and have dialed it back a notch.  Expect use of this word to be accompanied by a novel's worth of whining and a half-hour Powerpoint presentation about why a 20-year-old North Carolinian dishwasher knows more about a game than the people who created it.

Why You Should Be Ashamed

Crying and moaning about nerfing represents the pinnacle in passive-aggressive, impotent bitching.  Ninety-nine times out of a hundred, the person complaining will only be doing so because spamming the bullshit move that got dialed back was the only thing that made them good at the game (the hundredth person will be an alternative character for one of the other ninety-nine.)  What you are hearing essentially translates to "how dare they force me to learn how to play!"

"I will send a very strongly-worded e-mail!"

For all the bitching, not one single person in the history of online gaming who has thrown a tantrum over nerfing has ever actually stopped playing a game over it.  This may be because they eventually get over it, but it's probably more likely that they stick around because they think that everyone else finds their views on the area-of-effect damage for "Fireball" to be cutting and insightful.

#5. IAMF

What It Means

"It's all my fault."  This little guy typically pops up sheepishly after a series of monumental fuckups.  If you are the one using this handy little acronym, be warned: everyone that you just screwed over with your Clouseau-esque feat of incompetence is going to agree with you in the most violent manner possible.

Why You Should Be Ashamed

We feel as though this one is kind of self-explanatory, honestly.  Games are built around the expectation that you will eventually reach a point where you can finish a quest without tripping over your shoelaces and accidentally killing your entire party, and when this happens, you should feel bad about yourself.

Don't give us that look, baby.  You know what you did.

All the advice we can offer someone unfortunate enough to have to admit that the party wipe was all on them is to do your best to make reparations as best you can.  Offer to help people with quests, compensate people for the time they lost to your failure, that sort of thing.  Depending on the degree of your cock-up, you may be expected to perform alarming sexual acts in order to wipe away the stench of your mistake, but those are the breaks for pulling aggro, you idiot.  Speaking of...

#4. Wife Aggro

What It Means

It's a jackass substitute for "Hey guys, my wife/S.O. needs me for a second."  "Aggro" is an in-game term used to describe a player has strayed too close to a monster and said monster has gotten all up in said player's grill.  "Wife aggro" is exactly like that, only replace "player" with "smirking man-child" and "monster" with "long-suffering spouse."

Why You Should Be Ashamed

It sort of says something about married male gamers in general that the implication that their wives are some sort of menacing ghoul to be avoided and hidden from has its own little phrase associated with it.  Specifically, it says that they are dickless creeps with no business so much as touching a woman, nevermind marrying one.

"Hehe, sorry dudes.  Wife aggro.  Also, I just pooped."

Here's a tip for guys that use this cute little bit of douchebaggery: don't .  You aren't funny, you aren't clever, and you definitely aren't doing your gender any favors.

#3. FTW/ZOMG/Dood/Etcetera

What It Means

Using any of these are all excellent ways to sound retarded.

Why You Should Be Ashamed

Look, we here at Gameist don't make a lot of demands of our readers.  For reference, here are those demands:

- If you send us e-mails, you must address us as "Sir", "Master", or "Lord Vader."

- In order to drive our pagecounts up, you must view our website on as many different computers as possible, even if this means stealing.

- You must talk like people.

This child is just too young to be reading this site.  Sorry, kid.

People do surprisingly well at the first two, if our inboxes and the six o'clock news are to be believed.  But judging by the comments section and the general standard of communication in MMO, a lot of you are getting lazy by Demand Number Three, and that just won't do.  We don't mind a "LOL" here or a "ROFL" there, but when you start fucking misspelling "dude" we need to put our goddamn foot down.

#2. RTFM

What It Means

"Read the fucking manual."  If you're being told this, you're a newbie and have just asked for help from someone who has invested far too many hours in pretending to be a Blood Elf Paladin to acknowledge the "little people."  If you're telling someone this, you are a giant douchebag who needs to choke on a fistful of shattered glass.

Why You Should Be Ashamed

This might be news to some MMO veterans, but everything in the game you are playing may not be intuitive .  What's more, why are you using an insider acronym to tell someone new to gaming off?  How much more of your time would it have taken for you to just answer their question?  What is it about running around pretending to kill dragons and battle demons that makes people such insufferable cocks?

"HOW CAN YOU NOT KNOW HOW TO KICKBOX, SALLY?"

We're willing to be fair here; some gaming newbs are incurable dumbasses, and no amount of patient tutoring is going to fix that.  All we're saying is that maybe some of you Internet Tough Guys out there would make more friends if you tried giving some people the benefit of the doubt.  And for all you newbs out there just trying to get an answer out of those max-level dickbags, a word of advice: pretend to be a girl, and just watch the unsolicited offers of assistance come rolling in.*

*There may be cybering involved, but that is a risk you will have to take.

#1. IRL

What It Means

"In Real Life."  We did some checking, and it turns out that the only person on the planet who has a good reason for using this little gem is a powerful, immortal wizard who has been imprisoned beneath the earth by a rival, with only a broadband connection and a patch of hallucinogenic mushrooms for company.  Everyone else who co-opts this phrase is demeaning that noble sorcerer, and deserves appropriate punishment for their hubris.

Why You Should Be Ashamed

All wizards aside, Jesus.   There is no single thing more pathetic than listening to someone talk about the real world as though it were some far-off land of magic and whimsy.  The moment you find yourself using this term in casual conversation, you must slap yourself in your fat, stupid face, push yourself away from your computer, and go outside . 

Look at those babies, frolicking outside with their boomerang!  Don't you think you deserve the kind of happiness that an outdoor boomerang can provide?

We don't mean to be mean or anything, but there is some seriously cool shit in the real world.  There are restaraunts.  There are movie theatres.  There are sports.  There are parks, clubs, and beaches.  There are girls .  We don't care how perfect your Prot-specced Pally build is; it will never compare to talking to a real, live girl.

(Note: if you are a girl and are feeling somewhat left out by the above paragraph, you're completely free to go outside and talk to girls too.  But only if you're a lesbian.)

When not searching for baby pictures online, Malcolm writes for The Last Gaffe.

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