The 6 Most Overwhelmingly Japanese Games

By: Ben Dennison - Published: 2009-02-18

Japan is often times recognized as saving the video game industry after the colossal shit storm that was the Video Game Crash of 1983. Classified with a term usually reserved for sudden economic collapse and fatal Hyundai accidents, the crash threatened the future of video games in the United States and possibly abroad. Then the folks at Nintendo released the NES stateside, bringing the world to peace once more. What makes this surprising is that, while they managed to save us from this literal heap of trash, Japan continues to release their own games of questionably quality at an alarming pace. Games so odd, so breath-takingly bizarre, that they couldn't possibly come from anywhere else.

6) Dangeki Iraira Bou (Irritating Electric Stick)

Only in a culture over-stimulated by pachinko machines and rampant on-train molestation could a game about an irritating stick be considered interesting, let alone fun.

Not at all making this up.

While sticks on their own can be pretty damn irritating, this game takes it to the extreme; based on a carnival game and subsequent game show, the point of Irritating Electric Stick is to navigate a large metal rod through an electrified maze without touching the sides. If you do, your controller convulses and the stick fucking explodes. We here at Gameist still can't decide if this is the most mundane premise we've encountered or the most inexplicably over the top. Regardless, we're holding out for Irritating Electric Stick 2: Revenge of the Stick .

5) America Daitouryou Senkyo (US Presidential Race)

Fun fact: Japanese video game developers love simulation games. Seriously, it's their bread and butter. These games have helped make companies like SquareSoft and Natsume household names while making that guy who programmed E.T. feel like a total dick.

Fuck you, Howard Warshaw.

In 1988 these developers must have hit a creative dry spell because that's when Japan saw the release of US Presidential Race . Based on the race from the same year, the game puts you in the shoes of a would-be president.

Meet the protagonist!

Surprisingly the game manages to determine your political platform based on how you react to four issues. It further manages to make the complex sociopolitical landscape even more black and white with how the general populace reacts to you; if you're conservative you lose the support of the working class, if you're liberal you lose support of the religious and if you're a centrist then fuck you, pick a damn side. Despite having been made twenty years ago US Presidential Race is still the best representation of the American voting public since Betty-Boop for President .

4) Barbarossa

Real time strategy games are sort of a Western thing and they're usually based on historical events. If you're wondering why that is, you need not look further than World War 2. Some sixty years after it ended American pop culture still has a raging hard-on for the War to End All Wars (Until our Next War). It could be that, as a society, we feel a need to remember the tragedies of them as to learn from our mistakes. But it's much more likely that we're just incredibly boastful winners. So naturally when Japan tried it's hand at a WW2 RTS something would go horribly wrong from the start.

“Are you sure about this, Ken?” “Not really, but Marketing said we needed more Hitler.”

Tip to aspiring game developers: when planning a game around one of the most important events in human history you probably shouldn't portray it from the perspective of a man universally accepted to be a heartless monster. We know the relationships within the Axis of Evil are akin to those of drunken frat brothers but c'mon, it's time to let the dream go.

3) American Dream

At this point we should just accept that the Japanese have a very odd view of American culture. Case in point, the video game American Dream, wherein the player must rise from poverty to become the wealthiest gambler in the world.

Give me liberty or give me 7s! Come on 7s!

As the pachinko ball Pachio-kun, the player starts with $100 in Brooklyn and must work their way to America's crown jewel, New Jersey, ending with $100,000,000. But rather than make wise investments or just mug a shit-ton of people on the subway, Pachio-kun decides his fortune can only be made at the slots. Fortunately for him New York is brimming with casinos. Also, there's only a few paved streets and even fewer cars. Jesus, have the developers even been to America before?

Oh shit, looks like they have.

2) Boong-ga Boong-ga (Spank 'em)

Okay, so this one is actually from Korea but it was made for the Japanese arcade market. When we first encountered Boong-ga Boong-ga we had to assume that it was actually an elaborate police sting for perverts and not an arcade game. Words defy such an insane level of what-the-fuckery, so here's the brochure to help explain things a bit while we take a minute to lock our doors and windows before continuing:

Gameplay is as simple as it is horrific: as the player you take your large plastic finger peripheral and jam it as hard as you can into a fake ass. While most rational human beings would consider this the first step to becoming a level five sex offender, the brochure clarifies that it helps “relieve stress.” If violating someones prostate with an oversized finger is how you relieve stress, chances are you're a janitor in a concentration camp.

Before committing your sin, you can select your victim from a pool of worthy candidates: an ex-lover, a gangster, a gold digger, your mother-in-law, a con artist, a prostitute or, in an eerie case of poetic justice, a child molester. So whether you're a bitter ex or a vigilante, this game has something for everyone, especially those of you currently reading this from inside your Unabomber shack.

1) Cho Aniki

Every now and then a game comes along that's so incredibly absurd that it causes you to punch yourself in the crotch just to see if you still feel. Enter Cho Aniki, a game so homo-erotic that it would cause Liberachi to blush in shame if he weren't already a magnificently handsome corpse. Before you start writing us any angry e-mails, take a close look at the below image:

"Come, Bartleby! Let us flex our pectorals!"

Those two men are Samson and Adon, the main characters of the series. They never wear much more than a Speedo and their hobbies include being incredibly oily and gyrating. Also, by the game's own account, they prefer the company of men. That isn't to say they are gay, mind you, just that they're more gentlemanly than most. If you look closely you may also notice the holes on top of their heads. If you're wondering why that it is, it's because the duo fire white beams from them, and that's only because Cho Aniki likes to bludegon you over the head with phallic imagery, as you're about to find out:

This is the first boss from Cho Aniki: Kyukyoku Muteki Ginga Saikyo Otoko. You don't need to know what that translates into because all you ever need to know about it is in this screen shot: a giant Asian man with a spherical robot cod piece is combating the forces of good with his smaller Asian man battle penis. If you're confused, we wouldn't advise reading that sentence again but simply smiling and nodding. It will all be over soon.

Cho Aniki represents one of Japan's greatest feats; taking a tired old genre, like scrolling shooters, and over sexing them to unnessacary extremes. Goofy games like Cho Aniki have their own label, kuso-ge or "shit game." If you're wondering what it takes to go from “simple kitsch fun” to “hey that's kind of insulting,” we'll kindly direct you to this image:

Despite being people who are well versed in the art of written communication we fail to find the appropriate words to truly define what the shit is happening here.

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6 Crappy Items Marketed Towards Gamers Trail mix? Oh fuck yes.
4 Most Expensive Mistakes in The Gaming Industry Hey guys! Let's make 12,000,000 of these!
7 Most Absurd Perks and Power-Ups There are seemingly endless possibilities for fun and creative perks, and often times, they are just that. Other times, whether it’s a notable design flaw, limited usefulness or being just plain stupid, power-ups just seem to miss the mark.
6 Real World Skills You Learned From Videogames No, throwing a grenade is not a real world skill.
The 4 Most Shameless Videogame Marketing Efforts Marketing can be a thankless job. This is why.

Gameist Authors

Ben Dennison I AM SINISTAR.
Danny Gallagher Writer, Creator, Humorist, Reporter and All Around Nice Guy
Jonathan Kimak 10 years later and I’m still playing Starcraft.
Jonathan Plombon Locked in his bedroom, fingers wrapped around his joystick, hoping to score...
Malcolm Christiansen Senior Staff Dragon-Puncher and Part-Time Writer.
Moonbeam Glasscock I'm the editor of Gameist.
Nathan Birch 538 million A button pushes and counting...
RisingPun There's more to life than video games. There's also board games.
SteelFan714 Like Solid Snake without the guns, skills or attitude. Basically, I own a bandanna.

The 6 Most Overwhelmingly Japanese Games

6) Dangeki Iraira Bou (Irritating Electric Stick)

5) America Daitouryou Senkyo (US Presidential Race)

4) Barbarossa

3) American Dream

2) Boong-ga Boong-ga (Spank 'em)

1) Cho Aniki

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