And no, not like Bugs Bunny, delightful though he is. Nor do we mean the most entertaining insects in video-game-ology, an honor that would probably go to Earthworm Jim. No, we mean the glitches, the errors, the little screw-ups that infect our games. You've no doubt come across some. We'll only be covering the bugs that are funny to the player, not to the programmer. Because there are plently of the latter, like the hilarious way that Morrowind crashed whenever you were walking across the overworld to get to the Dwemer ruins. No doubt someone at Bethesda was laughing it up over that.

Not that we're still bitter.

Anyway, here are five more enjoyable bugs.

5) Mass Effect - Dancing Kaiden

Kaiden Alenko is a biotic, which means that he had to spend his childhood at a creepy summer camp run by aliens screwing with his brain. Which, when you think about it, probably doesn't make him that much different than the rest of us. Aside from the whole psychic powers thing.

Anyway, Kaiden's one of the minions your character can acquire as you romp through the world, and his brand of mindfucked magery can come in handy on your adventure. Hell, if you're playing as the female Shepard, you can even try to hook up with him. (Technically, you could try to hook up with him if you were male, but it wouldn't do any good. But watch out for the upcoming sequel: Ass Effect)

What went wrong

For some reason, which we can only presume is related to all that brain-scrambling that went on in his youth, Kaiden suddenly decides that he's not a trained fighter so much as a pretty pretty ballerina. Or at least, that's what it looks like. WARNING: before watching this video, turn off the volume on your speakers, because the guy narrating sucks the humor out of the room.

That's a whole lot of mincing. We're not questioning Kaiden's manliness, because we've seen him do a whole lot of killin'. But let's just say it's no coincidence that people keep confusing him with John Leguizamo.

Maybe you should watch out for the upcoming sequel, Ass Eff-- oh, we already used that joke. Dammit.

4) Portal - The Cake Isn't A Lie

We love Portal. Absolutely love it. Being constantly taunted by a devious female robot alternating showing affection and trying to kill us reminds us of those Battlestar Galactica fantasies we have, especially the one where... never mind.

One of the nice things about Portal is that when the game is based around your ability to shoot portals through walls, you don't leap at errors where people get stuck in a wall. Most FPS games have clip errors of this type, and you could easily fill a dumpster with all the people online who think clipping errors are hilarious ("Look I went thru a wall LOLOL!!!111").

What went wrong

The underlying plot of the game is that you are promised cake, and then you cannot have any, giving rise to the in-game graffiti and in-real-life obnoxious repetition of "The cake is a lie." So it seems a bit of an error when you can actually get into the room that has the cake. As an added bonus, your beloved cube is supposed to be fried, but you can get the cube out as well.

Okay, plot continuity failure isn't normally a bug of video games, it's a feature. Hell, plot used to be just a feature. But level up -- the times are changing, and a compelling plot is now often a key part of what makes a good game. Portal without the plot would just be a lesser game. A flash game that's moderately fun, but still a lesser game.

3) Super Mario 2 - Moustached Princess

You remember Super Mario 2, right? It was the Mario game that wasn't a Mario game, which was largely because it wasn't Super Mario 2 in Japan. The Japanese Super Mario 2 was just like the original Super Mario Brothers, and was later released here as the Lost Levels. The game we know as Super Mario 2 was actually released in Japan as Doki Doki Panic.

Hey, that's not Mario!

We're glad they re-themed it, because nobody was going to buy a game called Doki Doki Panic, and Mario 2 was much, much better than the original. The only way it could have been better is if the save file had been invented back in the Nintendo days, because after spending three hours fighting your way to the final level, it's just depressing to have the cartridge crap out on you. Speaking of which...

What went wrong

Okay, so this one time we were playing Super Mario 2 and we had finally made it to World 7-1 when all of a sudden, the cartridge started glitching pretty bad. The coins display was all pixellated, the enemies started getting random sprites added to them, and (perhaps most entertainingly) Princess Peach seemed to acquire Mario's moustache.

That picture has nothing to do with the bug, it's just what showed up in a Google image search for Princess Peach. Oh Internet, you're so predictable.

Anyway, in addition to the Moustachioed Princess, the lives got inverted, such that whenever you fell off a cliff and died, your stock of lives increased by one, and getting a 1-up would lose you a life. This would have made beating the game a cinch if the whole screen didn't turn failure beige roughly 7 minutes later. Anyway, it was totally awesome. Too bad there's no screenshots, but it left an indelible mark on our childhood.

2) Bioshock - Rosie Palmer's Revenge

Bioshock probably isn't going to win any prizes at the annual Non-Creepy Naming Scheme Awards Festival. Actually, non-creepy is pretty much the opposite of Bioshock's motif. But as you walk around using ADAM to modify your body and EVE to cast crazy voodoo, you'll also be harvesting souls from Little Sisters and fighting off Big Daddies.

 Not creepy at all!

The Big Daddies are divided into "Bouncers" and "Rosies". The bouncers are named that because they'll kick your ass before you can drink more. (although in this case, you're drinking precious little girl spirits instead of whiskey). The Rosies are probably named that because they have a rivet gun. Get it? Because of Rosie the Riveter? *sigh* Honestly, try taking a break from gaming once in a while and learn a little history. Rivets would be a perfectly good reason to name the beast "Rosie", but there's another possible explanation.

What went wrong
And by wrong, we mean, very, very, very wrong. I mean, we know Bioshock is creepy, but there's creepy and then there's, well, just watch this:

No joke we make here, from Rosie Palmer to BioCock, would be sufficient to follow up that clip. You may as well just watch it again.

1) Assassin's Creed - Twisted Horse

By far one of the prettiest games released in the past few years (or ever), Assassin's Creed was also one of the most ass-kicking-est. Ass-kickiest? Ass-kicking-est.

Pretty kick-ass, and kick-ass pretty.

If you're looking for a game that lets you leap all over a nicely-realized world and kick some ass, Assassin's Creed may be just what you're looking for. And none of this crap with giant guns and power armor either. Altair kicks ass in the classic style, with a big knife, and no armor at all. And killing. So much killing.

What went wrong

The world of the Holy Land is a strange and dangerous place. Knights Templar and soldiers roam the streets, assassins like you lurk in the shadows, and because it's ancient times, most modern sanitation and safety measures have yet to be invented. Being a common peasant living in those times would suck. But it wouldn't suck half as much as being one of the poor, freakishly mutated horses.

We know what you're thinking -- yes, that's certainly a fucked up horse that's twisted in the middle and magically runs just on its front two legs, but is there a horse that does the opposite and magically runs on the back two legs instead? Well, you're in luck:

Now that's what we call beating a dead horse. Actually, that sounds a little dirty. We should probably say riding a dead horse. Wait, that doesn't sound any better. The point is that horses in the world of Assassin's Creed are horrifying genetic experiments, and since you're going around doing so much killing anyway, if you had a heart you'd put them out of their misery.

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